brighter than his sunshine

I DONT USE THIS BLOG ANYMORE

2011-08-23T23:48:00.000-07:00

hi :) i dont ever write on this blog anymore, i do have a photography site, and id love if you would follow me! http://shadowofthesunphotography.blogspot.com/ I keep this blog up though, because I still get feedback that my writings help people, and that makes me feel so very blessed. Thank you all for your kind words, it truly means the most to me. I am pretty happy with my life now. My boyfriend and 2 beautiful nieces make my life so beautiful, and I am grateful to all the right and wrong roads I have went in my life, that have took me to where I am today. Always stay strong, and never lose the person you are inside. Thank you all again for following this blog. much love <3

love someone

2010-06-30T22:09:00.000-07:00

"Unless you love someone,

nothing else makes any sense."

Love, Sweet Love

2010-05-21T12:29:00.000-07:00

"All your money and possessions, they mean nothing in the span of time. Open your eyes and see the real life. We can make a difference if we try. Love, sweet love, will sustain us. Love will overcome. We'll be as one."

In the past I have wrote about the relationships I have been in. And honestly I thank God for all the good and bad I went thru in those times, because that has led me to the boy I'm with now. His name is Michael Aaron, and I have truly never loved anyone the way I love him. I know I am a fallen human being, and can not love perfectly, but my love for him is pretty close. I never met someone who can take all my pain away like he does. When I cry, he comforts, when i smile, he laughs, when I hug, he holds, and when i fall, he catches. As silly as it sounds, he is my sky, and I am his sun. I would never want to picture my life without him, and I truly believe he is my one and only, my only one. He is my then, now, and always. And he makes my life more beautiful than it has ever been.

20 percent

2010-05-21T12:16:00.000-07:00

I recently made a blog just focusing on my photography. However, its very hard to stay motivated. I really love taking pictures, but most people dont appreciate that art as much as just people ranting about their lives or making dumb youtube videos. The world is kind of a dumb place to be honest. I have to say 80% of the people I have met, I don't think have any true purpose on this planet, other than makin me a stronger person, because I have to deal with their bullshit. Yet, 20% of people get me thru this life, and make me think that the world is not so bad, and people do truly care. So for the 20% that care, I hope you enjoy my words and art. Please visit my new site, http://shadowofthesunphotography.blogspot.com/. I wish you all much love. And in conclusion, I will leave you with this quote. "You gotta hurt in order to know. Fall in order to grow. Lose in order to gain. Because most of life's lessons are learned in pain."

my photography blog

2010-04-29T10:14:00.000-07:00

http://shadowofthesunphotography.blogspot.com/

relive the start

2010-04-24T19:17:00.000-07:00

This is a video i made with my photography. Hope you all enjoy it. Much love.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rw7JOUZiQdM

I just want you to know who I am

2010-04-09T10:34:00.000-07:00

"And I don't want the world to see me cause I don't think that they'd understand. When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am."

I've now been with my boyfriend michael aaron for over 6months, and things are so good. I'm so blessed that he came into my life when I was about to give up on everyone. I have never met someone who I just clicked with so much. We both truly understand each other. At the end of the day we just get each other so well, and its a beautiful thing. He puts the sun in my life and I thank God for him everyday.

stop abuse

2010-03-15T12:04:00.000-07:00

"I've made mistakes in my life. I've let people take advantage of me and I've accepted way less than I deserve. But, I've learned from my bad choices and even though there are some things I can never get back and people who will never be sorry, I know better next time and I won't settle for anything less than I deserve."

I want to write this note for anyone who has been or is in an abusive relationship. I want to be totally honest and say that I have been in abusive relationships (meaning verbal, physical, or emtional abuse) "Live and learn" sums up the quote I have above. Yet, constantly I see mostly girls going back to abusive guys, and it kills me. Because they r slowly letting someone destroy them. They let a guy use and abuse them and stay because they were told people can change. They were told if someone truly loves you, than they will change. Im not saying your dumb if you think that, bc people do change for the better sometimes, but often old habbits die hard. And let me be the first to tell you, just bc they love you, does not mean they will change. This is probably pointless for me to write, but if i affect one person with this, than I've done something right. With that being said, I have been tore apart by guys i loved. Sometimes I cant even sleep thinking of how I let people in the past treat me. I mean at the time there are always great days. This is where I think its easy for people to judge. People say why cant they leave someone who puts you down or hits you, how can u want to be with that? And its not like that. Well from my experineces, its always been dr jerkyl, mr hyde. Its very bipolar. The abuser is often amazing at times, and than out of nowhere becomes almost demonic with how they abuse you. But even though they maybe amazing 50% of the time, that is not good enough if the other 50% of the time they are telling you to go fuck off, or slap you, or ignore yours calls, or constanly lie. No one should stick around for someone to bring you so high than crash you down to make u feel completely worthless. Because feeling that way is one of the worst lows you can feel. I started writing this because I was deletling old messages from my past and me being the dumb manic girl I am, began to read it. It sickens me the stuff I let a boyfriend say to me and how i stayed and how I gave that person my all. Going thru those times brought me to who I am today, and I would like to think it made me a stronger better person. yet, I dont know. Things in my past have really destroyed me and i can't get some parts of me back. Memories can kill you if you let them and some days I still want an "I'm sorry" but that will never change what was done. If you are with sumone who is mentally or physically hurting you, "I'm sorry" will never and should never fix anything. Letters, flowers, promises of change, etc. can not change that person and will not. "Love them and release them. Truth feeds back in its own way and time." So stop trying to fix them, change them, save them. I have been there and I have done that, and all I did was end up becoming this sad untrusting insecure girl with a messed up heart. I am truly blessed I got through all of it and now I'm in a happy relationship with a boy that treats me like a princess, and I dont care how corny that sounds but we all deserve that. In conclusion, to anyone who has ever been abused.."Scars remind us of where we have been, but they dont have to dictate where we are going."

never lose it

2010-03-10T13:50:00.000-08:00

I usually dont write normal post, but i have a question. Do u lose your talent? I use to be pretty decent at drawing, and now everytime i attempt to draw something it turns out awful and I find myself becoming extremely angry and depressed because of it. I use to really love to draw. I assumed just like someone can ride a bike, you dont lose that, or the gift to sing or dance. Can u lose a talent? Besides that question, just everything seems to get me down lately. I have lost the motivation to do much with my life. I see people going to college and graduate with no job and than joining the army or going back to their part time job. I dropped out awhile back. I decided college wasnt the place for me. I was going there to pursue art. Yet, I didnt feel inspired. I felt depressed, overwhelmed and angry that u have to pay money and go to school to take pointless classes to achieve what you want to do in this world. Their are days i dont even know why i have this blog. I mean do people truly care? Does anyone like anyone? Have we all just lost our souls in this unhonest hell of a world? Maybe nothing is true, or maybe everything is true. And I mean who is to say it is or it isnt? All i know is I live for the little things in this world. Those are the only things that keep me going. My only request and conclusion to all of this is to please not let this world tear you down. Let your gift shine and never lose the talents God has given you.

bittersweet

2010-02-24T14:25:00.001-08:00

Take the bitter with the sweet. No one said life would be easy, but maybe thats what makes the highs so high. If you never had lows, you would never know what true happiness feels like. With that said, Ill leave you with a quote.
"Happiness needs sadness. Success needs failure. Benevolence needs evil. Love needs hatred. Victory needs defeat. Pleasure needs pain...You must experience and accept the extremes. Because if the contrast is lost, you lose appreciation; and when you lose appreciation, you lose the value of everything."

comfort me

2010-02-08T21:54:00.000-08:00

"I can't help this longing, comfort me. I can't hold it all in if you won't let me. Heaven holds a sense of wonder...
I have seen you in this white wave. You are silent, you are breathing in this white wave. I am free."

horizon

2010-02-08T21:48:00.000-08:00

"I saw the horizon. It's out there. & though I may not ever be able to touch it, I know..It's worth reaching for.."

i trust in you

2009-12-31T12:45:00.000-08:00

I took a photoshoot of my boyfriend mikey. I really liked how the pics turned out. hope u do too.

"Heavy thoughts seem to slip away when you were here on my darkest days. I trust in you. Many debts I cannot repay, too many clouds in my sky today. I trust in you."

yourself

2009-12-31T12:39:00.001-08:00

The challenge is to be yourself in a world that's constantly trying to break you.

the words when i have nothing to say

2009-12-31T12:35:00.000-08:00

"You're my world, the shelter from the rain. You're the pills, that take away my pain. You're the light, that helps me find my way. You're the words, when I have nothing to say. And in this world, where nothing else is true. Here I am, still tangled up in you."

Last christmas i gave you my heart

2009-12-31T12:28:00.000-08:00

My beautiful niece is not 15months. She is my world. I adore her, and now my brother and his wife are pregnant with baby #2. Im so excited to be blessed with such another wonderful niece or nephew. I hope everyone had a good Christmas and great new years. And for New Years, remember, every day is a new day, every minute is a chance to start over. For me, I cut alot of bad people out of my life. I try to become a better person each day. It is and always wil be a struggle in this world. I am grateful for all I have. I am in a new relationship now, and I'm really happy in it, but I still hold onto my past. I still find it hard to live in the moment. I just have to tell myself each day..their is a purpose for my existence and everything in this life happens for a reason. much love to u all.

break the clouds

2009-12-02T13:15:00.000-08:00

"I believe in a world that can take you high, in a sky where sunshine breaks the clouds. I believe in a thought that can set you free. In a mind that hears it's heartbeat."

reflection

2009-12-02T13:13:00.000-08:00

I saw this picture on google, and looked at it than drew it. i really liked the idea of it, hope you like it too.

let the moment take your higher

2009-11-18T12:25:00.000-08:00

"When time is in your pocket, and you've got no where to go Let the moment take you higher. Light a fire in the snow. Maybe love was all you wanted, maybe pain was all you found. Your wings will never save you, with your feet chained to the Ground."

pain

2009-11-18T12:21:00.001-08:00

“Without pain, there would be no suffering, without suffering we would never learn from our mistakes. To make it right, pain and suffering is the key to all windows, without it, there is no way of life.”

its like your a drug..

2009-11-18T12:13:00.000-08:00

"It's like you're a drug It's like you're a demon I can't face down It's like I'm stuck It's like I'm running from you all the time "And I know I let you have all the power It's like the only company I seek is misery all around It's like you're a leech Sucking the life from me It's like I can't breathe Without you inside of me."

take me back...

2009-11-08T11:43:00.000-08:00

"Take me back to how I used to be. I'll never close my eyes again. How could I ever forget a place like this? Somewhere that I can call my own. This is satisfaction in its most beautiful state. Surrounding me is everything that is true, just let this be true, let this be..."

What a wonderful world

2009-10-29T07:25:00.001-07:00

"I hear babies crying, I watch them grow.
They'll learn much more than I'll never know.
And I think to myself what a wonderful world..."

Yours alone

2009-10-29T07:15:00.001-07:00

i love making videos and you can go to my youtube page and watch them if you'd like. My amazing friend michael aaron is a very talented muscian so he was my inspiration for the video. I hope you like it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sarU9rWxB-s
http://s289.photobucket.com/albums/ll205/lovesitalways27/?action=view¤t=alone.flv

the sun

2009-10-29T07:12:00.001-07:00

"Yesterday's rain is tomorrow's sun..."

let the music take you away

2009-10-13T10:05:00.000-07:00

I assume everyone loves music. Sometimes lyrics capture everything you feel and want to say or even the sound of a piano takes you back to a beautiful memory. I love music and art. Please look at my youtube if you want to see some videos I made or some videos of my friend mikey gannon's singing. much love to u all.
http://www.youtube.com/user/prewittdoit

I believe

2009-10-13T10:04:00.001-07:00

"Everyone's pointing their fingers always condemning me and nobody knows what I believe, I believe..."

looking back

2009-10-13T10:00:00.000-07:00

Looking back, if you had it all again, would you change it all? Do u ever want to turn back the clock and fix your past? Remember, we can not change the past..but know right now in this moment you can do anything. "Live in this moment, for this moment is your life."

flashbacks

2009-10-13T09:59:00.000-07:00

"Those flashbacks, are what I think about at night, and how much I miss you, but I start to think again, of how much you don't care.."

peaceful day

2009-10-13T09:57:00.000-07:00

"Why must I feel this way? Just make this go away. Just one more peaceful day. And it's been awhile but all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you..."

send me an angel

2009-10-02T00:03:00.000-07:00

Do you know how it feels each day to try to save the human race?
How do i save a world of empty promises, addictions, abusing, using, sickness, greed, jealousy, anger...how do i fuckin do it? Please tell me now. Because everyday i wake up trying to save a new person and each time I get hope for them, and hope for the world..then each time I am let down. Falling harder and harder every single time. I am at the bottom of the bottle and I'm asking God to take the pain of this world away. I cant do this on my own much longer. My one request is to send me an angel. And send them fast before I lose every bit of hope.

hope

2009-09-23T12:18:00.000-07:00

“Love comes to those who still hope even though they've been disappointed, to those who still believe even though they've been betrayed, to those who still love even though they've been hurt before.”

snuff

2009-09-09T19:35:00.000-07:00

video of my friend mikey g, playing one of my favorite songs snuff. he did an amazing job and i editied the video. enjoy :)

then

2009-09-01T13:44:00.000-07:00

i made this video for my good friends leighanne and matt. they are both amazing people and im blessed to have known them. they are gettin married in may, so i did this video for them. hope u like it :)

People don't change..

2009-08-27T11:11:00.000-07:00

This was then...

This is now...

"People don't change...
you just find out who they truly are.."
Its a sad fact. You hope so hard the person is all these wonderful things that you are fallin for. But sooner or later, people show their true colors. My advice, take things slow. Really get to know people. Judge them by their actions, not their words. Watch how they treat their enemies, not their friends. Watch how they treat their family and strangers around them. Dont set the bar up high for people, except nothing from them, and see if they can set the bar high just by being themselves...then when they fail, their is no disappointment. Just so long, farewell, I didnt need you in my life. Don't ever settle. You deserve amazing.

never leave me

2009-08-25T22:50:00.000-07:00

"If you want me, then you got me. Just never leave me alone..."

Dont tell me that its over now

2009-08-25T22:47:00.000-07:00

"Did you fall, did you break? Did you make a mistake? Did you lose how it felt to win? Don't tell me that it's over now. If I said the right thing, if I said the wrong. No matter how far I go, you will always be home. I'm sorry, but you're all that I know."

hi...im empty

2009-08-25T22:46:00.000-07:00

"Hi, I'm empty
So tell me you care for me
You're the first thing
And the last thing on my mind."

he wil bring you thru it..

2009-08-13T20:03:00.001-07:00

"God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, or sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way. If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it."

josh hamilton

2009-08-04T12:57:00.000-07:00

my friend zachary showed me this video when i was having a really bad night. it really got to me. i cried and was inspired. i now adore josh hamilton. he is a role model for all. please watch the below video. much love :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=toozmK7IHvw&feature=channel_page

every passing minute

2009-08-04T12:55:00.000-07:00

my wish for you..

2009-07-30T13:15:00.000-07:00

need an answer...

2009-07-30T13:13:00.000-07:00

"The more I try to look away the more I'm staring,
But now I need an answer to my prayers and your not there.."

somewhere out there...

2009-07-14T22:25:00.000-07:00

"Somewhere out there someone's saying a prayer that we'll find one another in that big somewhere out there. And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star. Somewhere out there if love can see us through then we'll be together..."

i have to let you go...

2009-07-07T14:31:00.000-07:00

"You left a stain on every one of my good days, but I am stronger than you know...I have to let you go. No ones ever turned you over. No ones tried to ever let you down, Beautiful girl bless your heart. I got a disease, deep inside me...I cant live without you."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qDoP_zGlzk15

i dont understand..

2009-07-01T13:12:00.000-07:00

this quote is exactly how i feel. every word of it...

"it's sad when people you know become people you knew. when you can walk right past someone like they were never a big part of your life.
and how you used to be able to talk for hours, and now you can barely even look at them.
i dont understand how you can smile all day long but cry yourself to sleep at night.
how pictures never change, but the people in them do.
how you can love so innocently, but it can turn into anger so quickly.
how your best friend can become your worst enemy.
how when your worst enemy turns into your best friend.
how forever turns into a few short months that you'd do almost anything to get back.
how you can let go of something you once said you couldnt live without.
how even though you know letting go of something is best for you, it hurts just the same.
how the people who once wanted to spend every second with you, think a few minutes of their time is too much time to spare. how the smell of a person stays with you even when they're gone.
how people make promises, and bear their souls to someone despite knowing how common it is for promises to be broken.
how people can erase you ~ from their lives cause its just ~ easier then working things out."

all the world's a stage

2009-06-26T16:41:00.000-07:00

video i made...let me know if you like it. I took and edited all the pics, except for the railroad tracks mikey took that one.

me and my niece that i adore..

2009-06-26T16:36:00.000-07:00

it hurts...

2009-06-26T16:31:00.000-07:00

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, ...wanders into your stupid life. You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like 'Maybe we should just be friends' or 'How very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, ..wanders into your stupid life. You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like 'Maybe we should just be friends' or 'How very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love. I hate love."
. Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love. I hate love." -neil gaiman

time will tell..

2009-06-16T20:39:00.000-07:00

"A guy out there was meant to be the love of your life, your best friend, your soul mate, the one you can tell your dreams to. He'll smile at you, but he'll never laugh at your heart. He'll brush the hair out of your eyes. Send you flowers when you least expect it. He'll stare at you during the movies, even though he paid $8 to see it. He'll call to say goodnight or just cause he is thinking of you. He'll look in your eyes and tell you, you're the most beautiful girl in the world, and for the first time in your life, you'll believe it."
Mikey still acts like my boyfriend and who knows what the future holds. time tells all they say. No matter how guys in the past have treated me or the lies and hurt i have dealt with...i stil always have hope. i know that their is my somebody out there. I always known...maybe its Mikey..only time will tell.

"Change your heart, look around you. Change your heart, it will astound you. I need your lovin' like the sunshine..."

2009-06-15T13:14:00.000-07:00

so here it is, mikey broke up with me today. i gave him all i could, he is the 2nd boy i loved and the 2nd boy i gave my heart to. and today he fuckin shattered it. i feel hopeless, i really dont know how im gonna get thru this..i feel utterly and completey alone. And now for the question, I know people are gonna ask and I dont want to answer it 20 times, is why we broke up...well, this is wat mikey said, that i was too good for him, that it killed him to see me hurting everynite and that he couldnt give me what i wanted and needed. Mikey did not have time for me, he only has time for his job. he devoted his life to his job, and that was his number one in his life..and i wasnt, and i was never going to be even though he was number one in my life. mikey was an amazing guy, when i was with him he treated me better than anyone has ever treated me..but when he was gone, he was right...he did not have time. I did everything to make this relationship work..but it failed. You know, me and brent have been broken up for 8months now, and everyday i mourn his loss..i lost my best friend. i dont even know who brent is anymore..but when i went thru that break up, mikey saved me. mikey talked to me for hours and made me laugh when all i wanted to do was cry. and now their is no one to save me. I'm not mad at him, just so hurt, bc i knew we needed to break up..bc i do deserve someone who is there for me, and he couldnt be...but this pain im feeling now is pretty unbarely, idk ...Please pray for me, i really need ur prayers. I feel like i really need mikey, but i cant make someone want to be with me..so this is what happened. "i've given up on the entire human race..."

no greater joy...

2009-05-28T23:34:00.001-07:00

the guy i knew died

2009-05-28T23:26:00.000-07:00

you were gone,
the guy i knew is now dead,
and you looked at me as if you have gave up.
you made a choice that you could never take back.
I looked in your eyes and they didnt shine no more.
I tried to see past the hate and anger and hopelessness in them,
but I couldnt,
because past all that was nothing.
you're gone,
the guy i knew died.

"We hold onto memories so tight, because memories never change...but the people in them do."

kurt

2009-05-25T13:56:00.000-07:00

i drew this picture of kurt cobain a couple of years ago. I copied off of a famous picture someone drew of him, and just changed it a little bit. I love nirvana and their lyrics and I just think kurt is a hottie :)

without you

2009-05-25T13:51:00.000-07:00

i havent seen my boyfriend in a month and 2 weeks now, and i have no idea when I'm going to see him because of his job! :( I hate this...

i did everything for you

2009-05-14T16:42:00.000-07:00

i been makin this for a little bit now. it really helped me in a therapy kind of way. I actually would work on it alot when i was mad at brent. I found it helpful and im very happy with the finished project. Brent is someone I'm always going to love, but I am slowly putting him in the past, bc he is not my future. As of now, I am really happy with michael moore and love him very much. I feel very lucky to finally be with someone who treats me good. So this video is to the end of one relationship and hope for the one now. Please comment if U have nice things to say.

and that has made all the difference...

2009-05-10T19:40:00.000-07:00

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."
-robert frost

"Down in a hole, feelin so small Down in a hole, losin my soul Id like to fly, But my wings have been so denied."

2009-05-07T21:04:00.000-07:00

I took and edited the pictures im starting to put up here, and this is one. This picture makes me think of the alice in chains song "down in a hole". Lately, thats exactly how I been feeling. I rather kinda live in a hole, then be around the people of this world today. I find it that not many people are truly good and arent there to love and support me. Seems to me that most, esp around my age of 20, just want to bring you down, lie, use you, and abuse you. A long time ago I told myself I would not let people walk all over me anymore. It has taken time, but I have grown alot and all i need in my life are the good people who do love me and care. So maybe I am in this hole and suffering alot lately, but I have that little bit of hope that keeps me going each day. This hope comes from my mother who always listens to me when I'm down, the few close friends I have in my life that havent lied and hurt me but only grew from the hard times and have been there for me thru everything, my boyfriend mikey who cant always be here physically but loves me for the person I am and just brings me so much happiness, and of course my beautiful niece who has changed my life and takes me away from the sadness in the world. Yea, I am down in a hole, but once you are so far down, their is no where else to go but up, so i have faith in God that everything wil work itself out and today might be awful, but their is always a tomorrow.

mary rene, my lil train conducter

2009-04-29T21:42:00.000-07:00

she is growing up so fast..7months now and the cutest baby in the world!

hold my hand and never let go...

2009-04-15T09:04:00.000-07:00

i read this story and it really made me smile....

Little girl and her father were crossing a bridge.
The father was kind of scared so he asked his little daughter,
'Sweetheart, please hold my hand so that you don't fall into the river.'
The little girl said, 'No, Dad. You hold my hand.'
'What's the difference?' Asked the puzzled father.
'There's a big difference,' replied the little girl.

'If I hold your hand and something happens to me,
chances are that I may let your hand go.
But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens,
you will never let my hand go.'

In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in its bind, but in its bond.

So hold the hand of the person who loves you rather than expecting them to hold yours...

"so much love"

2009-04-15T08:57:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YjPVvP6jBEQ

"i've given up on the entire human race..."

2009-04-13T11:46:00.000-07:00

"thought you as my everything, i had but, i couldnt keep"

2009-04-13T11:45:00.000-07:00

"pale blue eyes"..this song makes me think of my x boyfriend brent and ill always love and care about this boy. its all still so hard..just changes of life. Going from everything to nothing...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dnjaevCMj_o

Its been almost 7months now...7whole months and i stil have not fully let go of Brent Horton. I have a new boyfriend who treats me amazing and is truly an amazing guy, but still, still I'm sitting here crying over Brent. It hit me today that being friends can not work, and I wanted it so badly too. I love spending time with him. He might have a million and one bad things, and flaws, but Brent could always make me smile. No matter how sad, mad, angry i was, he made me smile. He was my best friend, my boyfriend, my entire world was Brent Horton...and this past 6months its like i had to go from all that to nothing. Everything changed and everything hurt even more than I could of imagined. Letting go of Brent is truly one of the hardest most painful things I have ever dealt with. "It took the death of hope to let you go."...song lyrics, that describe exaclty how I felt and feel. I dont think people understand it really, I mean I did not want to break up with Brent. I was crazy in love and obsessed with the boy. I wanted it to work, I wanted him to want to change and better himself like he kept promising me he would. Yet, time after time it did not happen. I had to make a choice...and loving him, being crazy about him, him being my world and best friend did not matter..what mattered is I had no future with him and he was not gettin any better. He was emotionally and verbally abusing me and himself. As much as Brent loves me and I love him, it could of never worked. Brent is Brent and I am me. And today I called him and he was hanging out with a girl he really likes. I started to cry hysterically, and felt sick to my stomach. I truly wish I could understand why this is..its been almost 7months and I have a boyfriend who I love very much now...so why? why do i feel so hopeless and alone and like i can not let go of Brent. Today, the last thing I told Brent was I love you, but goodbye forever this time, no more text, call, or writing. I can not do it. He replied "Dont say that." "Liz I miss you alot just so you know." and just now my phone vibrates, and it says from Brentie.."No one knows,, mostly you, mostly me..comedown." It was one of our songs. It is about I think a man who was addicted to things, and finally he found a new cloud..that cloud was love, and he never wanted to comedown from it. Brent told me a long time ago, that those lyrics is how he feels about me. He said to me a few nights ago "I hope one day we can be happy again,I love you so much. bye beautiful." and that made me cry. I will not text back, I pray i wil not get in contact anymore. Dear God, my prayer is to just let him go. I am only hurting me, Brent, and my boyfriend Mikey by staying friends or whatever you would call it with Brent. I write this all with tears in my eyes and I write this to not complain or anything. It is simple so this affects someone. So a girl who is with a guy who is an abuser in any way, or knows they deserve better...its for them to see, If I can do it, you can do it. God will mend your broken heart if you give him all the pieces. Each day is a new day, and its all hard, but I'm trying my hardest and doing the best I can. So this post is dedicated to Brent Horton. I wil always love you. "thought of you as my everything, I had, but couldnt keep..."

happy easter and god blessings

2009-04-12T08:30:00.000-07:00

2009-04-11T22:59:00.000-07:00

“The key is to get to know people and trust them to be who they are. Instead, we trust people to be who we want them to be- and when they're not, we cry.”

we hold expectations for others...we set them out to be someone their not most of the time. then we are left wondering why we are hurt so bad, and so disappointed? its because they were never and will never be that person we wanted or thought they were. the key to it all is to listen, get to know people, build your relationship with them and then and only then you will see who they are thru not just their words, but their actions. people's true colors show when u just take the time to listen and watch as they unfold... and still then, they might end up disappointing you. but isnt this life? its all bittersweet, its all mistakes, experiences, learning, and growing...and with that you have to open your heart to trust and open your heart to life......"u may be deceived if u trust too much, but u will live in torment if u do not trust enough."

gotta be somebody....

2009-04-11T22:57:00.000-07:00

love endures all

2009-03-30T23:03:00.000-07:00

i somewhat copied off of the used album for this drawing..anyways...LOVE ENDURES ALL.

i carry your heart

2009-03-27T09:52:00.000-07:00

"here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)."
by e.e. cummings

i took this gorgeous pic at sunset park

here by me...

2009-03-22T17:03:00.000-07:00

this picture i edited and its from the song "landing in london." Everytime i listen to this song, my heart misses this boy..michael moore. I havent seen him for over 3months now and i thought i was going to see him this weekend. Turns out, he has to be back on the road..and it really hurts to miss someone this much. I want to kiss him and hug him so badly, and I cant..and somedays I don't know if im ever going to get to see my cute boy again...

my beautiful grandma

2009-03-08T12:17:00.000-07:00

grandma with mary rene(this was taken about 5months ago)

my grandma has been sick and slowly fading away for awhile now. she just went in the hospital last week. I went to visit her and it tore me up inside. I love her so much, and i know losing grandparents is something everyone most go thru. Yet, that does not make it any easier. Since i was a baby, she was my second mom. I went to her house everyday, and made up dances for her and she tell me i was going to be a star(haha, i guess grandmas lie sumtimes.) she played cards with me, and drew pictures, and go outside or play house, and tell me stories about princess elizabeth(me) living in a caslte and meeting my prince...thinking about those stories she told me makes me sad, bc she always told me how amazing i was and how no guy deserved me. Now I think maybe shes right.lol, maybe no one does, and now it kills me so much to know that my grandma will not be there on my wedding day or to see me have children. She loved me unconditionally and would do anything for me. Yet, after my grandpa died sum years ago, my grandma lost apart of herself..and she slowly got sick and was just so heartbroken. I go on my walks and visit her, and now she lives with my aunt, so i dont see her much...and maybe thats good, bc it has made it easier for me to let go. well, i wrote this blog to just say what an amazing person my grandma is and to please pray for her. thank you all very much.

(me when i was little with my grandma)

peace&love

2009-03-08T12:12:00.001-07:00

dont promise me forever, when u cant even promise me tomorrow...

2009-03-08T11:50:00.000-07:00

Slowly i feel like i lose my faith in humanitity, and it saddens me. Yet, not many people meet my expectations of goodness, i fall short alot of times as well. especailly being 20, most guys use me, or lie to me. They dont stick around. They take my vulnerability and use it against me, saying they are good and i should trust them. Well, i dont even trust myself alot of days, so how can i trust them. Too many people that have been close to me have let me down. I mean yes, their is my ex brent, who lets me down over and over. The monment he does good for awhile, he always seems to throw it all away. Then their is mikey, who i wrote about before. And mikey is another boy who promised me all these things..but once again let me down. It hurt worse with him, bc he is such a good guy. He just hAS to much going on in his life, so then i got my hopes up..and slowly but surely, he left. Sumdays, he comes back, and wants to talk, and is the cute boy I remember. And then their is my friends, who i only have a few. People break your heart, and they lie, and they are cowards, and they leave..so this is why I only have a few close friends, who have always been there thru the days when i even hated myself. They didnt leave..but wat i truly want and desire more than anything is happiness. Like Will Smith did in his movie..i just want to pursue that dream, that love, that joy of having a happy heart. For the most part, i have a good life, yet I am not happy. Yet, as much as I dont trust or have lil hope in people. I do have hope in one person..and that is God. My darkest days, the moments i didnt think i could handle the next second..he has gave me the courage and strength to get thru them all. I be lost without him, bc he has been my secruity blanket when the world walked out on me. and maybe the boy now, or the boy a year from now cant promise me forever...but God wil bring him into my life one day. The boy that will want nothing more than to love me and make me happy, and when he promises me forever, he wil mean it more than anything. Their will not be doubts, or lost hope..their will only be happiness. And after that, only more happiness to come.

my baby niece

2009-02-10T10:56:00.000-08:00

She truly makes me forget all the bad things of this world. She takes me away from the selfishness i have. She just brings me such joy and its one of the only times i feel such happiness. I'm so lucky she is in my life and i get to be her auntie.

the letter I'll never send

2009-02-05T16:12:00.000-08:00

the letter i'll never send to you..
would let you know how much you broke me,
i truly can not belive you have turned into the person you are now,
i loved you, you were the only person i felt happy and safe with,
but even then, even when i loved you,
this person you are now would come out,
this evil in you.
I seen the evil in your eyes,
you would give this look like you were so satisfied to hurt me.
it made you proud and powerful to put me down,
and then after all this,
after all this time..
u finally admitted to me that you dont want to be this guy,
you told me you would change,
and that you know what a bad person you are,
you said you hated yourself so much for doing all this to me,
you told me you love me so much,
and never wanted to hurt me again..
but then it didnt stop.
the evil came back in you,
you yelled,
and cursed me,
and lied to my face,
you looked into my eyes with tears coming down your face and you told me lies.
everyday i sit here mourning your loss.
I realized now i could of never saved you,
you were too far gone for me to,
God knows how hard I tried,
how much i gave you,
how much i loved you.
And after all this time..
after what you did to me last nite,
I will never forgive that.
it wasnt you being immature or messed up,
it was you trying to truly hurt me.
as i sat there and cried, you laughed.
as i sat there and got angry, you became happy.
as i sat there and felt weak, you felt power.
and as i sit here writing this,
i know you will never be happy,
you will never find true love,
you will never be satisfied,
and I know I will.
This is because of everything you have ever done to me..
you will get every consequence,
all the karma,
the whole what goes around comes around bull,
all of this will hit you.
Then you wil feel every ounce of pain you ever made me feel,
then you will cry and sit there alone,
and realize I'm not there,
and I never will be again.

when im gone

2009-02-01T23:55:00.001-08:00

There's another world inside of me
That you may never see
There's secrets in this life
That I can't hide
Somewhere in this darkness
There's a light that I can't find
Maybe it's too far away...
Maybe I'm just blind...
Maybe I'm just blind...
So hold me when I'm here
Love me when I'm wrong
Hold me when I'm scared
And love me when I'm gone
Everything I am
And everything you need
I'll also be the one
You wanted me to be
I'll never let you down
Even if I could
I'd give up everything
If only for your good
So hold me when I'm here
Love me when I'm wrong
You can hold me when I'm scared
You won't always be there
So love me when I'm gone
Love me when I'm gone...
When your education x-ray
Can not see under my skin
I won't tell you a damn thing
That I could not tell my friends
Roaming through this darkness
I'm alive but I'm alone
Part of me is fighting this
But part of me is gone
So hold me when I'm here
Love me when I'm wrong
Hold me when I'm scared
And love me when I'm gone
Everything I am
And everything you need
I'll also be the one
You wanted me to be
I'll never let you down
Even if I could
I'd give up everything
If only for your good
So hold me when I'm here
Love me when I'm wrong
You can hold me when I'm scared
You won't always be there
So love me when I'm gone
Maybe I'm just blind...
So hold me when I'm here
Love me when I'm wrong
Hold me when I'm scared
And love me when I'm gone
Everything I am
And everything you need
I'll also be the one
You wanted me to be
I'll never let you down
Even if I could
I'd give up everything
If only for your good
So hold me when I'm here
Love me when I'm wrong
You can hold me when I'm scared
You won't always be there
So love me when I'm gone
Love me when I'm gone...
-3 doors down

i will love you

2009-01-31T13:15:00.000-08:00

I Will Love You

As Long as i can dream,
as long as i can think,
as long as i have a memory,
i will love you

as long as i have eyes to see,
and ears to hair
and lips to speak,
i will love you

As long as i have
a heart to feel
a soul stirring within me,
as long as i have a imagination to hold you
i will love you

as long as there is time
as long is there is love
as long as there is you
and as long as i can breath
to speak your name
i will love you
-annonymous

like night and day

2009-01-30T15:32:00.000-08:00

pic i drew..the quality looks kinda bad bc i took a pic of my camera of the pic i drew.

snuff by slipknot

2009-01-28T17:37:00.000-08:00

"Bury all your secrets in my skin
Come away with innocence
And leave me with my sins
The air around me still feels like a cage
And love is just a camouflage
For what resembles rage again
So if you love me let me go
And run away before I know
My heart is just too dark to care
I cant destroy what isn't there
Deliver me into my fate
If I'm alone I cannot hate
I don't deserve to have you
My smile was taken long ago
If I can change I hope I never know
I still press your letters to my lips
And cherish them in parts of me that savor every kiss
I couldn't face a life without your light
But all of that was ripped apart...
When you refused to fight
So save your breath I will not hear
I think I made it very clear
You couldn't hate enough to love
Is that supposed to be enough?
I only wish you weren't my friend
Then I could hurt you in the end
I never claimed to be a Saint
My own was banished long ago
It took the death of hope to let you go
So break yourself against my stones
And spit your pity in my soul
You never needed any help
You sold me out to save yourself
And I wont listen to your shame
You ran away you're all the same
Angels lie to keep control
My love was punished long ago
If you still care, don't ever let me know
If you still care, don't ever let me know... "

these lyrics pretty much make me feel like they were written by brent or for him. He sent them to me, and i just cried as i read and listened to the song. If anyone could capture his emotions and feelings..well this says it all. Their is a saying, "when words fail, music speaks." that is so true, esp when it comes to those people who have trouble opening up and describing how they feel. Brent, has always been someome to just tell me his feelings through lyrics. ...and its actually something i love about him.

2009-01-26T09:40:00.000-08:00

I learned in my life, to trust very few people. I agree that all people probably should be trusted until proven untrustworthy, yet you must be careful with that rule. I have seen that i wear my heart on my sleeve and let myself be too vulnerable to this world and the people in it. I guess I tell people everything, because thats who I am, I never lie about the girl I am. I tell people what i have done, and who I want to be. I tell people the pain and the happiness of my life. I finally realized that people truly dont care. Their are a few good people on this world, I do recognize them. Yet, moslty i find myself dissappointed by the people I excepted the most from. The person I'm stil so in love with, all he knows how to do is lie. He has become this person, who does not even know what the truth is. Lying has become a way of life for him. My question is..how do you open your heart to someone else, when everyone you love has only lied and let you down. I except pain, and lies. Its life, it is bittersweet. I take the bad with the good everyday. I count my blessings. God has truly been so good to me. I try so hard to be a good person, but when your surrounded by only bad, it takes a tole on you. I am now getting all the bad people out of my life. I refuse to let one more person lie to me. Yet, i also refuse to be cold hearted and to not love again. So, my conclusion is...with love, comes pain, and suffering, and tears, and lies...but I'm going to deal with that all. Because, without love, I am nothing. I need love, we all need love. Love is what keeps us going.

missing you

2009-01-21T23:26:00.000-08:00

i broke up with my boyfriend of a year and a half. I truly gave him the world. He was my first everything and he was my everything. I still am very much in love with him. Yet, I had to finally be strong enough to leave him because he did not treat me good. However, he did love me and he is trying to work on being a better guy. I know deep down their is this funny, loving, giving person in him, because I fell in love with that part of him. I miss that part of him, I miss alot of things. He really changed my life and affected me in so many postive and negative ways. I will always love him and i wil always want the best for him. Each day has been a struggle for me, but I'm learning alot of things about myself. Things I didnt even want to know. I made some mistakes, but I am growing from them and learning from them all.

I recenely met a guy, who is probably one of the best people i have ever known. He has such a big heart and treats me the way any one would dream of being treated. I have so many emotions each day, and everything has comedown on me and been really hard. Yet, this cute boy has got me thru alot of the hard times. I am so blessed God brought him to me.

more pics of my adorable niece

2009-01-21T23:19:00.000-08:00

i love this beautiful baby so much. i truly cannot belive how happy she can make me. She takes me pain and sadnes away like no one else can. She is such a blessing to have and I'm so grateful that God brought her in my life. I;m so honored to be her god mother and auntie!

2009-01-21T23:15:00.000-08:00

Quotes/Lyrics I Love:

2009-01-21T23:12:00.000-08:00

IF YOU ARE READING THIS NOW, I PUT THIS UP 3 YEARS AGO, I ALWAYS GET COMMENTS ON THIS...AND I LOVE THAT, BUT PLEASE READ THE REST OF MY BLOG, OR GO TO MY PHOTOGRAPHY SITE. http://shadowofthesunphotography.blogspot.com/ BC I AM NOT THE SAME PERSON THAT USE TO LOVE THESE SONGS AND QUOTES NOW. THE OLD ME RELATES TO THEM. BUT NOW I AM IN A GREAT REALTIONSHIP, AND I TAKE LIFE EVERY DAY KNOWING THAT SOMEONE LOVES ME LIKE I LOVE THEM..AND THAT IS TRULY THE BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD. MUCH LOVE TO YOU ALL.

http://usuallyalwayssometimes.tumblr.com/

http://shadowofthesunphotography.blogspot.com/

“'You'll get over it...' It's the clichés that cause the trouble. To lose someone u love is to alter ur life forever. You don't get over it because 'it' is the person u loved. The pain stops, there are new people, but the gap never closes. How could it? The particularness of someone who mattered enough to grieve over is not erased by anyone but death. This hole in my heart is in the shape of u & no one else can fit."

"We hold onto memories so tight, because memories never change...but the people in them do."

"Since you left me here the sun won't shine.."

"When I saw you I liked you, when I liked you I loved you, when I loved you I lost you..."

"Now thanks to you...I'm scared to fall in love again. First of all, you broke my heart when I expected you to be the last one to do it. And now I'm left with my heart broken and in pieces and you don't even bother to notice. It's sad because all along I thought you knew me better than everyone else....but now I am starting to wonder if you even knew me at all."

"'When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place..."

Maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope."

"Did you fall, did you break? Did you make a mistake? Did you lose how it felt to win? Don't tell me that it's over now. If I said the right thing, if I said the wrong. No matter how far I go, you will always be home. I'm sorry, but you're all that I know."

She said I wonder when it'll be my day. 'Cause I'm not too far from breaking down, and all I’ve got are screams inside. But somehow they come out in a smile, and I'm wondering if I'll always feel this way, this way.."

"It hurts to breathe. Well every time that you're not next to me. And now I'm forced to see, I think I'm on my way. Oh, it hurts to live today..."

"So tell me you need me and I will stay, you believe me and I will wait, that you'd come back for me every time I fall. If you want me then you got me. Just never leave me alone..."

"I feel so numb. All I've become has fallin apart. Hole in my heart. I will cry. All is a lie that we must break. Heal my heartache..."

I've come so close, it's almost hard to believe
When you're up close, it blinds you brilliantly
Just one rush can change your life forever
Just one push can end it all together
Why can't we learn from the plague that surrounds us
Learn from my mistakes
Learn from this mistake
Learn from our mistake
Learn from their mistakes
There's no shoulder to cry on when you have no shame
There's no finger to point when you are to blame
Open book, in my eyes shows you rain, then storming
I can't look, when covered by the nothing and the suffering
Learn from my mistakes
Learn from this mistake
Learn from our mistake
Learn from their mistakes
Learn from my mistake
Believe me, all my friends, in the ending of the story
There's no junkie out there with a happy ending
It consumes you, and haunts you like the devil
It's the art of the process that kills off all the rebels
Learn from this mistake

I tried to love you I thought I could,
I tried to own you I thought I would,
love, hate, love."
-alice in chains

"If you live to be a 100, i want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so i never have to live without you."
-winnie the pooh

"HAKUNA MATATA!"
-lion king

“Call Me”
wrap me in a bolt of lightning
send me on my way still smiling
maybe that's the way i should go
straight into the mouth of the unknown
i left the spare key on the table
never really thought id be able
to say that ill visit on the weekends
i lost my whole life in a different
I've said it so many times
i would change my ways no never mind.
god knows i tried!
call me a sinner, call me a saint
tell me its over, i still love you the same
call me your favorite
call me the worst
tell me its over i don't want you to hurt
its all that i can say,
so ill be on my way
i finally put it all together, nothing really lasts forever
i had to make a choice that was not mine
i had to say goodbye for the last time
i put my life in a suitcase
never really stayed in one place
maybe that's the way it should be
and ill live my life like a Gypsy
I've said it so many times
i would change my ways, no never mind.
god knows i tried!
call me a sinner, call me a saint
tell me its over, i still love you the same
call me your favorite
call me the worst
tell me its over i don't want you to hurt
its all that i can say,
so ill be on my way
ill always keep you inside
you healed my heart and my mind
and you know i tried
call me a sinner, call me a saint
tell me its over, i still love you the same
call me your favorite
call me the worst
tell me its over i don't want you to hurt
its all that i can say,
so ill be on my way
so ill be on my way.....

"Nothing is every for sure, that is the only sure thing we know."

"i'VE hAD mY mOMENTS, dAYS IN tHE sUN.
i'VE hAD mY mOMENTS, i wAS sECOND tO nONE."
-emerson drive

"THERE ARE 2 GREAT TRAGEDIED IN LIFE...NOT 2 GET WHAT YOUR HEART DESIRES AND TO GET IT."

"I hate the way you talk to me And the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots And the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick. It even makes me rhyme. I hate it... I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh; Even worse when you make me cry. She begins to cry as she continues to read. I hate it when you're not around And the fact that you didn't call, But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you; Not even close; Not even a little bit; Not even at all. "
-10 things I hate about u

"Love and hate get it wrong
she cut me right back down to size
sleep the day let it fade
who was there to take your place
no one knows never will
mostly me but mostly you
what do you say do you do
when it all comes down
cause i don't want to come back down from this cloud
it's taken me all this time to find out what i need yeah."
-bush

"There are 3 great things in this world.
The first thing is for you to love someone.
The second thing is for someone to love you back
and the third greatest thing is for the first
and second thing to happen at the same time…"

"Sometimes it's hard to LOVE someone
because you're so afraid of LOSING them"

"It doesn't matter if the guy is perfect or the girl is perfect,
as long as they are PERfect 4 eachOTHER."

"i'm not saying i CAN'T live without you, cause i can - i just dont want to."

"God will mend your broken heart...if ur willingly to give him all the pieces."

"To the world you may be one person.
But to one person, you may be the world."

"Change will never happen when people lack the ability and courage to see themselves for who they are."

"Sincere forgiveness isn't colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don't worry whether or not they finally understand you. LOVE THEM and RELEASE THEM. Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time."

"It was meant to be that life would be a challenge. To suffer some anxiety, some depression, some disappointment, even some failure is normal. Teach our members that if they have a good, miserable day once in a while, or several in a row, to stand steady and face them. Things will straighten out. There is great purpose in our struggle in life."

"OVER & OVER
i tried
AND OVER & OVER
you lied
AND OVER & OVER
i cried
AND I DON'T KNOW WHY."

"People said it would never work out
But living dreams, we shattered all doubts...
Feels good to prove 'em wrong
LiViN OuR LoVe SoNg."
-Jason Michael carol

"I love you...
I hate you...
I can't get around you...
I breathe you...
I taste you...
I can't live without you...ALWAYS."
-saliva

“Like A Stone”
"on a cobweb afternoon
in a room full of emptiness
by a freeway i confess
i was lost in the pages
of a book full of death
reading how we'll die alone
and if we're good we'll lay to rest
anywhere we want to go
in your house i long to be
room by room patiently
i'll wait for you there
like a stone i'll wait for you there
alone
on my deathbed i will pray
to the gods and the angels
like a pagan to anyone
who will take me to heaven
to a place i call
i was there so long ago
the sky was bruised
the wine was bled
and there you led me on
and on i read
until the day was gone
and i sat in regret
of all the things i've done
for all that i've blessed
and all that i've wronged
in dreams until my death
i will wander on."
-audioslave, "like a stone"

“The Time Is Now”
You're my last breathe
You're a breathe of fresh air to me
Hi, I'm empty
So tell me you care for me
You're the first thing
And the last thing on my mind
In your arms I feel
Sunshine
On a promise
A day dream yet to come
Time is upon us
Oh but the night is young
Flowers blossom
In the winter time
In your arms I feel
Sunshine
Give up yourself unto the moment
The time is now
Give up yourself unto the moment
Let's make this moment last
You may find yourself
Out on a limb for me
Could you expect it as
A part of your destiny
I give all I have
But it's not enough
And my patience is shot
So I'm calling your bluff
And we gave it time
All eyes are on the clock
But time takes too much time
Please make the waiting stop
And the atmosphere is charged.
In you I trust.
And I feel no fear as I
Do as I must.
Tempted by fear
And I won't hesitate
The time is now
And I can't wait
I've been empty too long
The time is now
The tender night has gone
And the time has gone
Let's make this moment last ."
-Moloko

"There's a point in your life
when you get tired of chasing
everyone & trying to fix everything
But it's not giving up…
it's realizing that you don't need
certain people, the bullshit,
and the drama that they bring."

I want to set you free, recognize my disease
Love, sex, pain, confusion, suffering
Your there crying, I feel not a thing.

Fear: false evidence appearing real

I've seen a rich man beg
I've seen a good man sin
I've seen a tough man cry
I've seen a loser win
And a sad man grin
I heard an honest man lie
I've seen the good side of bad
And the down side of up
And everything between.

you may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you do not trust enough.

I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you.

you know you love someone when the mere thought of losing them brings you 2tears.

yah, ill admit it: i miss you, i miss us. but i cant think about those things anymore. I gotta move on. because this, this is pointless

there's a little TRUTH behind every jk,
a little CURIOSITY behind every jw,
a little KNOWLEDGE behind every idk,
and a little EMOTION behind every idc.

"Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
'Cause though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yet, I'm better near to you."

"Fix You"
When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home,
And ignite your bones,
And I will try to fix you,
High up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I
Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

"Never Gonna Change"
Just as sure as the sky is blue, and the ocean too
I've never lied to you
And I've never ever done anything that would render me untrue
But, (as) for you, I can't say the same
You have only brought me pain
There's no use in pointing fingers, when I'm the one to blame
And I know that it's over
And there's nothing left to say
And we all pay the prices
Of the games that we play
I don't know how to love you
But I can't walk away...
What do I have to say?
What do I have to do?
I need to hear you say 'I just wanna be with you'
What to I have to change?
What do I have to prove?
You're never gonna change...
You're never gonna change...
It still blows me away somehow when you seem so proud
Of the damage that you've done
I'm a puppet in your pageant
I'm a game you played for fun
Still now when I see you frown and you see me smile
And you say I'm still the one
You know you are quite the actress
But I'm just not that dumb..

"Blurry"
Everything's so blurry
and everyone's so fake
and everybody's empty
and everything is so messed up
pre-occupied without you
I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl
You could be my someone
you could be my scene
you know that i'll protect you
from all of the obscene
I wonder what you're doing
imagine where you are
there's oceans in between us
but that's not very far
Can you take it all away
can you take it all away
well you shoved it in my face
this pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away
can you take it all away...

"Breaking Inside"
I caught a chill
and it's still frozen on my skin
I think about why
I'm alone, by myself
No one else to explain
how far do I go?
No one knows
If the end is so much better, why don't we just live forever?
Don't tell me I'm the last one in line
Don't tell me I'm too late this time
I don't want to live
To waste another day
Underneath the shadow of mistakes I made
Cause I feel like I'm breaking inside
I don't want to fall and say I lost it all
'Cause baby there's a part of me to hit the wall
Leaving pieces of me behind
And I feel like I'm breaking inside Out here, nothings clear
Except the moment I decided to move on and I ignited
Disappear into the fear
You know there ain't no comin' back
When you're still carrying the past
You can't erase, separate
Cigarette in my hand,
Hope you all understand
I won't be the last one in line
I finally figured out what's mine
I don't want to live
To waste another day
Underneath the shadow of mistakes I made
'Cause I feel like I'm breaking inside
I don't want to fall and say I lost it all
'Cause baby there's a part of me to hit the wall
Leaving pieces of me behind
Leaving pieces of me behind
And I feel like I'm breaking inside
I won't be the last one in line,
I finally figured out what's mine.

music gets me through this life

2008-12-08T14:23:00.000-08:00

just like a drug

2008-11-30T11:09:00.000-08:00

u came into my life,
and from that very first day,
i knew everything was about to change.
just like a drug,
u captivated me and drew me in,
and everyday from that moment,
i lost a little bit of my innocent.
i mean kids grow up,
they have to lose that innocent someday,
but it was all too fast for me.
just like a drug,
i loved the high when i was with you,
i loved how you made me feel,
but i soon realized,
that i would have to comedown.
and just like a drug,
the coming down was unbearable sorrow and pain that you bruised my
innocent heart with.
you changed me,
you were that safe haven for me
because i was comfortable around you.
just like a drug,
you were that escape from reality i was always searching for.
you made me forget all my problems,
but then i soon realized my biggest problem,
my biggest suffering..
well that was you.
you would bring me so so high,
and let me fall so far down.
at the end of the day i had this hole in me
i had this new sadness, this new lose in me.
and that lose was me losing myself.
just like a drug,
i put you above everyone,
i even put you above me at times.
and just like a drug,
i knew i needed to quit.
i knew you probaly caused me more happiness,
yet more pain then i ever wanted.
baby, just like a drug,
im relapsing,
but one day,
one day soon,
im not going to relapse anymore.
im going to walk away from you forever.
I am going to take all the pain and all the happiness
and learn and grow and remember it all.
and just like a drug,
you might always be what i want,
but your not want i need.
and im no longer addicted,
im gone.

"when words fail, music speaks."

2008-11-09T23:27:00.000-08:00

forever&always

2008-11-04T23:23:00.000-08:00

I want the fairy tale ending,
the come grow old with me and be happy forever.
I want less fights,
and more kisses.
I want less put downs,
and more "your beautifuls."
I want less taking,
and more giving.
I want you always,
and forever.
I want you to love,
and want me so much that your gonna give me
all my wants and more.
I want you to want the fairy tale ending like I do.
And in our fairy tale,
theres no ending,
theres just you and me,
forever and always.

my beautiful niece Mary Rene

2008-11-04T23:19:00.000-08:00

"Sometimes", said Pooh,

"the smallest things

take up the most room in your heart."

2008-11-04T23:10:00.000-08:00

"I love you...
I hate you...
I can't get around you...
I breathe you...
I taste you...
I can't live without you...
ALWAYS."
-saliva

My Mural

2008-09-24T14:04:00.000-07:00

I have been drawing a mural on my wall. It is still not complete, but this is it so far.

pictures i drew a couple years ago, i need to start drawing more..i just need more time.

2008-09-24T13:35:00.000-07:00

i think this was actually inspired by britney spears. It dosent look like her, but its just a girl but britneys songs and face inspired it. Yes, i love her songs and have the greatest hits cd.
I drew this a very long time ago, just because I love clothes and fashion.
well this was drawn kinda fast and badly, but i have a thing for spiderman, what else can i say.
I adore Maroon 5 and after i bought their first cd, i drew their album cover. All their lyrics really get me and i think adam levine is so sexy and has such a unique and beautiful voice.

inspired by watching "Pirates of the Carribean."

awe-some-ness

2008-09-23T16:20:00.000-07:00

Hopeless

2008-09-12T13:59:00.000-07:00

You said, "I won't."
I said, "You promise?"
You said, "Yea I promise, stop worrying."
I sighed and smiled.
I believed you.
but that was the beginning.
Your lies caught up.
The next times I asked, it became, "It's none of your business."
or, "Your worrying too much."
Well to be honest, I didn't worry enough.
You lie, You lie, and you deny.
Even when your were caught, you never stopped lying.
All i did was cry, and cry.
and now I'm crying because I still have hope.
Hope that your going to tell the truth.
Hope in you.
Hope that your going to change.
But you made me into this hopeless girl.
So please, don't hurt me, don't lie...
Just give this hopeless girl her hope back.

make this moment last

2008-09-11T01:15:00.000-07:00

inspired by song "the time is now"

The Beauty of my Art

2008-09-10T22:24:00.001-07:00

I'm Liz and i'm here to share what i think and view art as. To me art is in the eye's of the beholder, its what you as a human, sees as beauty. Its the shoulder you lean on as you watch the sunset, its the first moment you see your new born child, its the first kiss, its the song on the radio that takes you away from everything, its the brush strokes in a picture that brings you tears of happiness, its all these things that I see are beautiful, its these things that are art to me. And its these things I want to share to you..my words, my drawings, my pictures, my favorite quotes, lyrics, songs, and myself. I want you to see my beauty, the perfections and imperfections.

the beauty of me, flaws and all

2008-09-10T21:35:00.000-07:00

someone once said.."i believe that everything happens 4 a reason. People change so u can learn to let them go, things go wrong so that u appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies so that u basically learn to trust no one, but urself and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.".....this is who i am. Yes, i can sit here for 8 hours writing about myself, all the good and all the bad, but i will just leave you with this quote for now, because its one of my favorites, and it describes exactly who i am.